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We know in life
there will be trouble. His word tells us that there will be
great trials and tribulations; however we fool ourselves if we
think it will never happen to us. The wounds of life will come
to inflict “someone else”.
On May 5, 2006, our
world came crashing down around us. Tom underwent his operation
and cancer began to inflict pain that I cannot even describe.
In those days I felt that God was silent as I lay on my bed of
sorrows. It was during those nights of agony, alone in utter
darkness, when the thoughts of hopelessness and doubt would
invade my heart and mind like dark warriors.
How could I admit
that some Sundays when I would preach, I myself had doubted His
word, yet I was telling the people to believe even though my
faith was lost in the darkness of my own pain and circumstances?
How could I admit that this great woman of faith, who taught
children to believe, held the hands of the aged and gave them
hope, prayed for the sick and believed they would recover, now,
I myself doubted?
In the weeks to come
the Spirit of the Lord impressed on my heart that if all my
words were to be a reflection of my thoughts and actions, then I
would never be able to preach again. I knew that I needed to
proclaim God’s word of love and grace because our circumstances
do not determine the truth of His Word. By preaching His Word
even when I had difficulty living it, I was not hypocritical;
actually the words I spoke to the people helped me to grow in
the truth and begin to change me.
In times of my human weakness I would cry out in the darkness,
but my prayers never seemed to go any further than the ceiling
of my bedroom.
During these ‘silent
times’ God however, in his faithfulness brought a scripture to
my remembrance. In Psalm 91:15 He said,
“He shall call upon Me,
and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will
deliver him and honor him.” |
